MIDNIGHT - SURELY NOT A BEDTIME

It was an exhausting day for me .... so I thought of playing with my bed n pillow early .... so I went to sleep early .... and within a moment my eyes were shut ..... and the very next instant my eyes were wide open ... it was midnight for me with clock banging itself to 00:00 ....

And it didn't took me long to realize that I've already gone through 3hrs of sleep .... I was not feeling sleepy anymore .... So i got up from my bed .... and don't know why but I was getting high on with the ambiance around me ....

The feel around me was so healthy and adorable .... means no distractions, no traffic encompassing me and not much noise it just seemed to be much more peaceful time of the day.... and Its quite obvious for me to utter midnight as my favorite time of the day....

But if I'll tell a person that midnight is my favorite time then he may think that I am a black sheep or a lazy person .... this is simply because of how the world functions .... most people have early morning tasks and they are forced to wake up early in order to meet their requirements .... most people have to be on time at a certain place.... and most of the people still believe the old saying "early to bed and early to rise " .....so as soon as the clock strikes midnight ... most of the people are found sleeping ......... unless you don’t work or you party at nights ...... so this is why people may assume me as a bum to say midnight as my favorite time....

Painting black over what these people say ...... I went out in the balcony ..... I stood there and felt so good ........ with the purest embrace of wind  .... bathing myself in the moonlight ..... gazing high dark into the sky ....... with night walking down the sky with moon in her hand and wearing the splashes of stars all over its body ...... It totally seemed as if the streets were absorbed by the sky and night was all in the air .......... And it didn't took me long to realize the fact that "A boy like me is a very small thing and the night is very large and full of wonders"..... I just adore this moment of the day......

Being awake at night also has a mysterious edge attached to it ...... the hours of nights when scary things tend to happens ...... especially in the movies ! being up at this time does make one wonder if the world really is as safe as we take it to be..... at this point of time even an atheist will show its belief in god .....

midnight is the time when one is done with all their commitment, duties and compulsions for the day ......... the peace one receives when one remembers that a chore needs to be done ...... and then realize that it has already been completed is illimitable ........ surely one can breathe easy , sit back and listen to music or watch t.v. or go out and enjoy a calm peaceful windy night ............

But I like midnight for other reasons than the ones mentioned above .... one of the main reason why I like midnight is because I like writing at this point of time ..... everyone is sleeping so I can concentrate on writing my articles much better than I can with a place full of people going up and down and trying to talk to me ........ and more importantly all the idea which grows up are there to be mine only because every one else is sleeping ..... many other writers probably favors the night as well for this very same reason to get most of their work done .....

 so as you can see there are other reason to being up at midnight other than out to be partying and others ...... everyone has a time during 24 hours of a day when they feel their best .......  for me that time is always at midnight .....

As "LEMONY SNICKET" has said "its one of life's bitterest truth that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting" .......... And late night stuffs are actually interesting  ......

But from my part I know nothing with any certainty ....... but the sight and the feel of late nights makes me to do what I want to do ..... and the stuffs which I want to be labelled with .......

"ANURAG RENFOLD"

I'M TIRED

I"M TIRED

As the days r passing on .... I just keep on wondering ..... that all the best of my years are passing on .... and still I'm thinking of what to do ..... its not like that my condition is worse ..... I'm going very much healthy with my current proceedings .... and I also know if I go along with it .... I will do good in my life ....

But right now I'm in quite disconcert with myself ..... because it assassinate me knowing that ...... I'm going in action with something which is not lustful for me .... It feels like having it all and still feeling sad

The worst part about my life in the ongoing circumstances is that ..... I'm exasperated of everything going around me ..... whether its my future , my passion , my stuffs or whatever it is .... my life is kinda "meh" and as the days r passing on I'm feeling shy as f**k with it

I'm 22 and I just ponder on how the last three years had been a complete waste ... there's no one who can walk with my train of thoughts .... I'm doing things that I don't like just because of hasty scenario ..... but still I've to go through it just for the sake of doing something ..... its just because I can't find a new one .....

I' tired of yelling at myself .... I'm tired of telling myself one more day has passed , and you wasted it .... I'm tired of living my life just for the sake of living ....... I'm tired of pretendung that I'm not jealous to some of my friends who are doing something worth appreciating ...... I'm tired of putting tough faces most of the times

 but I know key to feeling better is doing something about it .......... but I don't feel or I don't have have the energy........... but I know its just a matter of doing things continuously or enough no. of times ..... and even if I don't feel it .... it surely will lead me to a point when I start to feel more prominent about it ....

I'm not a suicidal or self-cutting type , but really I do feel tired . just tired 

                                                                                        "ANURAG RENFOLD"

"POOR SHE” OR “POOR WORLD”

It was end of yet another exam for that boy …… so he was marching his approach  back to his home ….He was sitting solitary like a “lone wolf” on platform  no.3 and  waiting  for his train to arrive…. There were several other people waiting on that cold draughty platform…. So beaming things all around over there was the most appropriate alternative available for him ………

Abruptly his eye got stuck over a poor girl …. Wrapped in old and torn clothes … And she was not able to walk properly because of something wrong with her leg …. The only thing which was crystal clear from her face was that she had been starved for ages …. So that boy continued to gaze over her ……

At the corner of a confectionary on that platform …. A trash can was kept…. And that girl steadily advanced towards that trash …. So, that boy thought that she must be a sweeper or a garbage cleaner of that platform ….. now that girl steered her hand in the dustbin and started searching for something …… The boy then thought she must have lost something precious and she must’ve been endeavoring for that only …

But what he saw next was like simply taking his breathe way …. That girl after searching a lot in that “trash can” actually picked something out of that trash can and put into her mouth …. The first reaction which arrived in the boy’s consciousness was “eeeeewwww” and  “yyuuukkkkkkkk”…. Then he started roaring words like “what the fuck”  and  “how could she”  and all other  “blah blah blah” in his mind

Now slowly that feeling of being stunned and frozen or whatever it was of the boy started to fade away……and don’t know why but he became sick at heart ….

He started to think what he should do now…. Should he ignore her …. Should he feel pity for her ….should he take something out of his pocket coins/money to give …. Or should he immediately go away from there… He was literally discomposed at that situation …

So he moved his attention away from that situation …. Then he saw a dog over there who was eating some sort of stuff  from a thrown package of some food item . so he started eyeing over that dog …. And all of a sudden someone threw a piece of stone over that dog and that dog ran away from there leaving that thrown package over there only …. Then he looked for the person who actually threw that stone ….

And surprisingly it was the same poor girl …. Then he thought is that girl insane or what ?? …. And then after that what happened was simply like tying himself with a long piece of twine ….

That girl actually picked that piece of thrown package and started eating from it …. And don’t know what came in that boy’s mind …. He started yelling at that girl  “excuse me you idiot …. That package has already been eaten by that dog …. So throw it away…” but those words didn’t contribute to that girl …. She just took that package and departed from that place ….

The boy was totally numb with his tongue and with his feet at that point of time……  the negative applause going through his skull was so loud and insistent that he had to respond through several encores ….

After a bit boy moved on from there and sat on a bench …. And started thinking………… “what a poor girl”…………. But then he thought …..“POOR SHE OR POOR WORLD”…. Then suddenly his train arrived on that particular platform and he boarded his train and left …. And his feelings at that point of time were simply poor ….because neither he can do a bit about it nor this world …. Because simply giving her money can’t eradicate her misery

Really strange is this world……….some people have food way more than their appetite …. And some have food which makes them very much comparable to a street dog …. Such a “POOR WORLD” this is ….

                                                                                         

After that depressing situation I’d like to thank god …. For all that he gave to me … place for shelter …enough food to eat and survive … and all the other luxuries enjoyed by me in my life ….

But what exactly god means to those poor people …. For them god never appears…. They sit outside temple , mosque or other places of worship … but they are never allowed to go inside …. And for that poor girl food is god for her  … and they always appear in front of her in the form of bread ….

She is forced not to think well…. love well ….. sleep well ……because she has not been dined well….

Really for some people its very difficult to think nobly when they only thinks of earning a  living

                                “ANURAG RENFOLD”

ONE MORE LONELY GIRL

A Comfortless mademoiselle

It was yet another evening with sundown and cockshut ........ just woke up from my bed after a small nap ...... I was lonely and I felt it deeply and permanently........So I thought of having a walk at the fall of the day ..... so I drenched myself In my tracksuit ..... with my headphones hanging round my neck n clutching my ears ..... just began to stare things all around ...........

As I was departing on my way ......  unanticipatedly  and without any warning ....... my eyes got stuck over a girl . she was harnessed in her  skirt and in dark top ......... I thought of tuning out of her and to carry on with my walk ..... but as I took two steps in the middle of nowhere ..... I don't know what was it ........ but I ceased myself and came to a standstill .......

Suddenly I took a bend to my left ...... and googled her ...... she was sitting on a bench which was dismantled a bit ..... I endeavored a lot just to glance over her face ..... but I can hardly see her ...... because her face was enveloped  with her hands n long hairs ..... she was just sitting ideally with her face bend over to her knees ....... I was in the field of vision which was illustrating me of her heartache and betrayal......

I don't know why but she was going to cry....... but I knew that if I spoke to her or looked at her too closely then the tears would fly out of her eyes and...... the sobs would fly out of the throat and she'd cry for a week.”

I just started to prompt what exactly must have taken effect........  I giggled 2-3 steps towards her ...... suddenly she removed her hands from her face and glided her hairs backwards ..... I was simply discontinued at my feet after seeing her face ........ her  Moorish eyes were blood shot red ......... and her tears were simply tearing her apart ....... she just gave a wild stare at me

so I thought of moving aside a bit n just let her emotions bleed ...... because after all they need to be yelled out ..........

From my perception ......... she was visualizing of her crush ....... who was more like a bad habit that she can't shake properly ..........................the hardest thing I could have done was to try my hardest to get her over it." ......... but I thought of keeping the wheels unturned ........ n letting things go as they are meant to be .......

After that i was assuming of ...... what could be the 2nd reason behind it ...... but suddenly after glancing at me she was pretending as if nothing has happened ...... but her eyes told a different story ......

Teardrops slowly started fall from her eyes again as I pretended to look at the sky.........and I questioned myself how come life keeps passing on even if things r clumsy around ......  I just wonder why can't she escape this phase, is this her fate ...............  To always be unhappy or how much longer she must have to wait..........but I just don't feel like  knowing myself very well right now,so how can I be sure about anything about her........ but one think i was sure of was ... “ Unhappiness can't stick in her  soul for too long because it was  slicking with her tears.” ......

then I thought of moving on ....... and claiming things as they were ..... I wanted to comfort her skillfully but  didn't wanted to make my presence to be a discomfort to her....... so decamping situation at that point of road was the matchless alternative available ........ So i just moved away from that bench ........ and marched my way ahead .... but during all the course of time her cast and appearance was mirrored on my mind....

I went to bed and woke in the middle of the night thinking I heard someone cry, thinking I myself was weeping, and I felt my face and it was dry...... then i realized it was raining outside

I wish I had never met her because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like her out there.

“Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?”

                                                                                     

"ANURAG RENFOLD"

Discovering my Passion

  "TIME TO DISCOVER"

It's a dull life when you do nothing. just try to jump a bit,and play a nice role.....


They use to say that u need certain amount of darkness to see the shining stars ..... I sincerely agree with that fact and........ It is really contradictory for my line of sight ....... that anyone can have a life without any purpose and meaning ....... but what I really believe is dt .... " not believing dt u have a purpose won't  prevent u from discovering it " cos just a "lack of belief in gravity won't prevent you from tripping........

 I really urge to decamp to that dt offline mode....... nt in fb ..... but in ma real world too .... so that I can deactivate myself for few days ..... so dt I can spend sometime wid me nly ..... I want to argue wid myself ..... I want to embrace myself .... I want to raise inquest against me only ....  so dt i can really comprehend myself ............. so that I can sympathize what I can fancy........ n what really dribble in my lifeblood .......

It feels so unhandy .... dt i'm not passionate about anything ..... even though everyone is same .... we all have red blood running through our veins ...... but still we all r different in our own different way ..... but still puzzlement is starving in my mind .... dt how am i different ..... I use to do the same thing what every
2nd person does ... there's nothing great I've achieved till date ..... so where's dt precious key from the special bunch that will make me feel dynamic or breathing....

Right nw from my perception ..... I'm gonna take a little time to make things robust and unyielding ........ but the time has come to call the shot on myself so to decide what exactly my capabilities are and in which way its gonna roll me up ............... In doing so I may grow up in attitude ......... n what they use to say
about grown up attitude "A person with a high attitude deserves the standing ovation of their own highest finger" ....... So, I have to be judicious with it ..... though I need to brick it a bit ......

But people may wonder over d above happening ........ dt why exactly I'm committing it ........ why I'm putting myself in this silent plot ....... N i really want to acknowledge them that ......  sooner or later I'm gonna put myself in d arena ...... where I only will interrogate myself that ....... Is dr any piece of nut I have cracked in my life .....I don't know d key to success but cold sweat of my upcoming failure is enduring me to take a move ....... its not that I can't accept failure but I can't accept not trying.......

So I'm gonna start with emptying all d false purposes i've been taught ........... including the idea that i've no purpose at all.......... then I'll take a piece of  white paper n will query myself that what exactly i want and to narrate the things on that piece of sheet....... maybe I'll take myself to some place ....... A place where there's only me n my sensuality .......... a Place where i'm not ill-tempered with myself........ a place where I can respect me n my feelings where I can take myself for granted ......

Certainly fooling around with myself n letting the things flow as they r certainly yet another screw in jam of the pipes ......

I'm gonna formulate that describe anything that would associate with my identity. This means accomplishments, failures, strengths, weaknesses, personality traits, interests, hopes, past, future, etc. I’m not fairly young so I would argue that my list probably should not be short but compared to people who have lived longer its gonna be a bit childish. I'm gonna keep writing until I can’t think of anything more........



"ANURAG RENFOLD"